If there’s any phrase that gained a lot of popularity these days it’s definitely the phrase toxic relationships. I mean it’s everywhere,with almost everybody posting on their socials that they ain’t up for no toxic relationships and that they don’t want any negative energy in their lives,which is quite good if you ask me. But then the problem is….a lot of people won’t even know when they get into a toxic relationship. Do you wanna know why? Well here’s the answer….they don’t know the signs to look out for,hell; some of them don’t even know what the heck a toxic relationship is which is why I’m going to just drop a cute little definition here, one that’s in my own words…so let’s go;
“A toxic relationship is a relationship that is unhealthy for either one or both partners in a platonic or romantic relationship,which is usually characterised by the presence of negative traits(red flags) which make the relationship bad for the partner(s) affected and leaves them feeling miserable and unhappy”.- Arreta
So now that we’ve put that out there(for those who have no idea what it is), what are the things we can look out for that will tell us whether or not we’re in a toxic relationship,the telltale signs that are meant to tell us oh hey buddy,this is a toxic relationship and you’re in it but then let me just warn you,sometimes the most obvious signs are so well hidden and because you’re blinded by love (or rather bombed by it),it’ll be so hard for you to actually pick out these signs and even if you do,it’ll be quite tough for you to see the signs for what they are as well as the relationship.
Noting this, I think it’s time I just drop the list already and give you some of the most obvious(yet hidden) signs that you are in a toxic relationship,so without further ado….here we go;
10 Obvious (Yet Hidden) Signs That You Are In A Toxic Relationship.
1.) You get mood swings: A lot of them,in fact your mood swings will be much more regular(and serious)when you’re in a toxic relationship because you’re not happy with the current situation. There’s also the fact that your partner might have manipulated you so much that you don’t even know what to think or what’s going on and well,all that confusion and sadness causes a significant increase in your mood swings(if possible,the swings could become an everyday occurrence if the situation gets really bad).
2.) You’re afraid of your partner: You’re very afraid of getting your partner angry or upset because they’re unpredictable and you have no idea what they’ll do if you get them upset. You feel as if you’re walking on eggshells around them and that you can’t be your true self with them because you’re really scared of them and their unpredictable moods.
3.) You find yourself making excuses for their behaviour: You know that their behaviour towards you is bad and that you deserve better but you find yourself constantly making excuses for their awful treatment of you,even though you know that you’re basically just lying to yourself. You know that they’re disrespecting you(constantly) and that you should walk away but because you love them so much(or have been love bombed so much),you’re willing to lie to yourself and make excuses for their behaviour in order to stay on.
4.) You’re spending less time with your friends: Because they’re tired of listening to you constantly complaining about your partner and you don’t really want to listen to all the bad things they say about your partner whenever they’re giving you advice. You kinda know they’re right but because you’re so in love with your partner (or the facade they’ve created),you don’t want to hear it which causes you to spend less and less time with your friends,who aren’t happy for you and your beautiful relationship.
5.) Your fights get really nasty: Normally,relationship fights are pretty unavoidable(when different personality come together there’s bound to be an occasional clash from time to time). However,most lover’s quarrels and fights are usually handled in a way that the issues are properly hashed out and peace is allowed to reign. But with you and your partner,your fights get really violent and nasty and you don’t actually try to settle the differences peacefully,rather you both aim to draw blood and hurt the other person more. It’s even worse when the fights are very frequent,that’s just trouble brewing.
6.) There’s a good deal of love bombing involved: Love bombing is basically just grooming to be honest. It’s the process by which a toxic partner acts all loving and romantic towards you in order to get you to fall for them and even trust them. During the love bombing phase(usually at the beginning of the relationship);the toxic partner makes regular gestures of love,both little and grand alike,for that period of time they’re going to be like the perfect partner,so loving and caring and ohhh so romantic(anything they can do to get you to trust them). One thing to note is that these gestures are usually so intense that you just drown in them,and it’s only done when they need to keep you. So if your partner tries to shower you with some super intense love gestures,be very wary.
7.) It’s as if you’re being controlled: You might have never really paid attention to this one but it’s one of the biggest signs there are. Let me use this example; when you were single you enjoyed going out with friends and just living your life but then they come into the picture and you slowly begin to change and withdraw from your old ways,and when you’re asked you’re going to go all, “ohh my partner doesn’t like me doing that so I had to stop”. Trust me I’ve been in this situation before,at the my response was always that my boyfriend was so strict and all and that I didn’t want to anger him(at the time I thought it was cute…until I found out it was a way to keep me away from finding him cheat on me,something he did a lot). At first it might look like a cute thing,them looking out for you by being controlling but when you look a little deeper you’d be heart broken(I know I was). So do keep a sharp eye out for this one..it’ll help you.
8.) You are always the guilty one: Just like they are always the victim,in their heads at least. They go ahead and blatantly disrespect you or cross a boundary you set with no care whatsoever and when you try to address the issue with them,they try to find a way to twist the whole thing in a way where you’re now the guilty one and they;the innocent victim whom you now have to apologize to. This happens the first time,then the second and the third,until it slowly becomes a pattern in the relationship and you find yourself no longer wanting to set boundaries or anything and just accept it as it is. It happened with an ex of mine who’d expertly manipulate all out arguments to end with my apologizing and begging him to forgive me and he wouldn’t…until he heard the tears in my voice. It went on till I snapped out of it all(which was like four months after the break up and trust me when I say the snap was something alright ).
9.) They are overly critical of you and your life: Yes because that’s the easiest way to break you and leave you feeling less confident in yourself. Now as human beings,it’s almost impossible for us to be perfect because with our humanity comes flaws that remind us of our frail nature. These flaws and quirks also help to add a bit of flavor to our personality and when address to our good side,they make us who we are. However this doesn’t really matter to your partner who will pick a particular flaw(one that you’re very conscious of) and then use it to criticize you at every chance they get. At first you’ll want to defend yourself and all but as time goes on,the harsh words and cruel critiques begin to break you slowly until one day,you’re just numb to it which is exactly how your partner wants it for easy manipulation. Whatever you do though,try not to give them what they want and seek help from someone you can trust.
10.) There’s so much dishonesty: In fact it wouldn’t be surprising to find out that the entire relationship was built on one big lie,with so many smaller ones(but no less harmful) coming alone the way. Your relationship is a toxic one if there are so many lies involved(from either party) and it’s best you walk away once you discover all the lies because trust me,they’ll never be honest with you and would only bring up more lies to cover those lies. Your partner could come on super strong in the beginning,love bombing you all the way until suddenly you’re in and they change to their true forms,leaving you to wonder what happened. Well the thing is that they had decided to put on an act to pull you in and when you fell for it,they saw no reason to continue. That lie would only be brought back whenever you think of leaving and they find out.
So there you have it, a list of 10 obvious yet hidden signs that can help you tell if your relationship is toxic or not. Hopefully this cute little list should help you determine if your current relationship is healthy or not and give you a bit of an idea on how best to deal with the situation(or how soon you need to get out,it depends really). Now I know it’ll be very painful (almost unbearable) to realize that the relationship you’ve most likely given up a lot for is actually really toxic for your health. However,that shouldn’t stop you from getting it together and dealing with it in the best way you can (for me that would be walking away),because I assure you that even though it’s quite painful,you will get better in the end. Now I think I’m done here and officially kicking off The Toxicon so enjoy yourselves and stick with me as I let you know everything you need to know about toxic relationships and how best to deal with them(for me though,nothing beats walking away). So that’s pretty much it…oh and lest I forget,if you want to know what it’s like being in a toxic relationship,then read here. Well,see you next time loves…