Have you ever been in a situation where you love(d) someone so much that you just might burst but then when you’re around them you act all cold and aloof because you don’t know how to express those emotions and show that person you love them. Or maybe you’ve found yourself so full of love for a certain individual but so completely at a loss as to how best to express your affections and show that person how much you care about them,maybe a friend you’re so very fond of or a crush that just keeps your butterflies fluttering below your chest or even a lover whom you’re not exactly comfortable being open around due to circumstances best known to you. Well, if you’ve ever been in this situation(or at currently in it) then I hope this post helps you out.
So I was inspired to write this post by a request made by a reader in one of the comments I got on my last post that talked about the things a toxic relationship can do to you,and if I’m going to be honest with you,I felt like I just HAD to write this post because I’ve had my own experience with the situation which I decided to share in order to help out(listen to the audio record for a more casual form of this post).
Before I go on to talk about the factors that could be responsible for your not being able to show affection,and the things you can do to tackle it; I’d like to let you know that your inability to show affection does not make you weird or abnormal,because people are different and not everyone can be oh so loving. Hell even I have trouble showing affection sometimes,especially to certain people for a fear that my affections could be used against me.
When you’re having trouble loving…my story.
Well,there was this particular guy I liked one certain time like that,he was cute(what can I say,I like fine boys ),nice and had this charmingly friendly personality that I just liked so much,after a while my feelings came up to play and I started crushing(like really bad). I let the guy know that I enjoyed his company and all,but that was about it because I was wayyy too scared to actually open up and show him how I really felt about him so I did what I thought best, let him know I liked his company while acting just a wee bit cold when it came time to be open about it. Why did I do this? Well, I had this idea that he was a bit of a playboy so I was super scared and had my heart on high guard so that I wouldn’t mess up and get it broken by someone who might not even care (add this to the fact that at the time I was struggling with a messy breakup and imagine what happened).
So how did this story end? Well, I lost the guy(or rather any actual chance of being with him,not that there were many but still) and now I’m forced to live with what ifs for as long as the memory stays. Now I’m not trying to say that your situation would end up like mine if you don’t learn to show your love but well,the thing is that emotions have this way of coming back to blow up in your face when you try holding them in.
Well that story’s out,so we can go ahead and move on to the next part of this post;the WHY.
Reasons Why You Find It Hard To Show Someone You Love Them…Why It’s Hard For You.
Well, there are so many reasons why you could find it difficult to open up and show affection to the one you love,most of them due to environmental(society) factors rather than other things and the reasons tend to vary from person to person. However,here are some most common reasons why you find it hard to show your love.
1.) You have serious trust issues that won’t allow you to open up and show that person you love them because to you,love involves a great deal of trust,and you’re not exactly sure you trust that person enough to show them you love them so you just keep it all in.
2.) You were raised to see love as a sign of weakness and hence refuse to show in a bid to reduce the possibility of being seen as weak. To you,love is a great weakness and those who openly show affection are seen as weaklings. You may love someone deeply but you hold back in order to not be seen as a weakling (this could be as a result of family orientation).
3.) You’ve been in a toxic relationship before,and now you’ve built walls that are so high that it would take a miracle for anyone to get past them. Now I know you’re doing this to protect yourself from being hurt all over again and while this is good in it’s own way(and only for a while), I feel it necessary to let you know that at some point those walls have to come down and you have to let yourself love again (shaa don’t go and rush it oo, that will just end it beautiful tears,let me warn you).
4.) You’re afraid of having it used against you. Now this is my table,if you’re anything like me,then you fall in love quite easily and very deeply,it’ll be so easy to tell that you love someone because well,it’s basically bursting out of you. When your emotions are so easy to read,your fear would be having them used against you by people who want to hit you where it hurts. As a result of this,you find yourself locking up your heart often so that your emotions don’t spill. Not healthy I know,but it happens.
5.) You’re too proud to show affection of any form. Like you enjoy being on the receiving end(e dey pump blood for you sometimes ) but heaven forbid you show affection to someone else. Your big ego wouldn’t let you do it,because you’ll feel like showing love to someone is equivalent to lowering yourself and getting off that pedestal you’ve placed yourself on. You love someone,like so much but then your ego just won’t allow you to show it because you have a hard guy rep to maintain(odeshi I hail oo ). If this is you,then all I have to tell you is get the hell off that high horse and open up joor.
6.) You just don’t know how to show them you love them. Yes,this is quite possible and also quite common (usually combined with either of the above but it can also stand alone). Maybe you love that person so much but because you were raised in a home where there’s no love lost between family members or you were made to believe that well love isn’t really worth it which causes you to ignore all things concerning love,seeing it as a waste of time. Only for it to bite you in the ass when you find someone who makes love seem so totally worth it but you don’t know how to show the feelings because you never bothered learning how. So you’re stuck and at the verge of losing that person.
Now that we’ve covered the WHY, I believe it’s time for us to go onto the next part of this(the main part if you ask me) which is the HOW(in other words the solution to the problem). So without wasting anymore time,let’s get to it…
How To Show Someone You Love Them.
Now there are so many ways in which you can tackle this issue,some more effective than others. While I am not an expert on this, I believe this step by step guide I’m going to drop right might just help you out with your problem. The key here is to try and pinpoint just why you find it difficult to show love while also ensure that your partner is understanding and accepting of the fact that you have an issue showing affection which you are trying to work on…because if they’re not,then the process might be difficult and you’re likely to lose them. Now,shall we continue? I think so….
1.) You have to try and figure out exactly why you find it so hard to show affection to that person you really care about. Take some time out,sit down and think about it,this should help set it all in motion.
2.) Talk to your partner and ask them to help you out in any way they can. Also try explaining the situation to them so that they understand what’s going on and know how best to help you out.
3.) Figure out which love language works best for you. Do you find it easier using words to express your love or actions? Would you prefer showering your partner with gifts or doing all the chores around the house in order to give them less stress. Whichever one works for you,go ahead and flow with it (even if your love language is of the steamy kind,we can make it work).
4.) Take baby steps and don’t rush anything. In this kinda situation,it’s slow and steady that wins the race because it will take a good lot of time for you to get used to showing your affection and if you rush the process, you’re very likely to mess everything up and end up back in square one.
5.) If you feel your progress level is too slow and that you have to either rush the process or give up completely,remind yourself that there was a time you didn’t even know how to show any affection and that compared to then,you are making progress even if it’s little. And if your SO happens to be pressuring you to rush the process,then you have to sit them down and explain to them that it takes time. So they are to either wait or leave(their choice).
6.) And if all else fails,go for relationship therapy. You mustn’t really meet a professional(unless of course,your case is serious and has deeper psychological attachments). Usually,the best thing to do is to talk about it with someone who will not only understand but will also have some super pieces of advice to help you out.
So uhmm, that’s pretty much everything I have to talk about for today. Maybe in one of my later posts I’ll talk about the ways you can show someone you love them(that post will be a follow up of sorts). Anyway,if you have anything to say about this post or maybe you want me to cover something on this blog,then do go ahead and let me know in the comments section,I’ll be more than glad to cover it. Well,that’s it for me now,till next time loves💖💖….