So, I was going through my Quora one day looking for questions that were interesting enough to answer and possibly write about (yes Quora is a good place to find content ideas) when I across this particular question that had me so intrigued that I just had to answer it and write about it on the blog. Why? Because I could relate to it so well (why wouldn’t I when it’s basically my current situation?) and I’m sure that some of us out there also need to hear this. So what’s the question, anyway? Well here it is, “Is the love after a toxic relationship the hardest one?”
So, is the love after a toxic relationship the hardest one?
Yes it is. Especially if it’s a healthy one, with a good person.
But how is it the hardest though? I mean aren’t toxic relationships meant to be the hardest. Well, to be fair they are pretty difficult and a hell load of damage but then they’re not the most challenging relationships of all, that particular trophy belongs to the relationship that comes after the toxic one. And why do I say this? Well, I say this because of the following reasons;
Why The Love After A Toxic Relationship Is The Hardest One…
1.) You’re afraid of being vulnerable around your partner: The last person you were with was a person who manipulated your vulnerability and used it to bend you whichever way he pleased. So now that you’re out of that hell and with a new person; you’re going to think that he’ll do the same and as such, would do all you can to avoid opening up and being vulnerable around your partner, even though they’re not like that.
2.) You’re afraid to trust your partner: And with good reason. I mean, in your last relationship, your ex broke your trust constantly and left you to deal with the damage yourself (and still expect you to trust them🤦🏽). So as a result, you develop some serious trust issues and build high walls around your heart as a defense mechanism, walls that your current lover has to deal with.
3.) You doubt your partner and their intentions: This is linked to the point above, in that your trust issues will bring about the doubt. You remember how your last partner used to shower you with love in the beginning before switching up on you when you got in too deep and doing you dirty. With that painful memory in mind, you feel like everyone you meet is going to do you dirty in the end. So when you finally find a genuine partner who really loves you, you find it hard to believe and wait for him to do you dirty because well, that’s what they all do so how can this be different?
4.) You feel like your partner can do better: When you finally realize that your partner is actually genuine, you begin to feel like they can do better than you. Like why would anyone want a damaged person like you and why would they want to deal with a heart that they didn’t break? You feel like you’re not good enough for your partner because you’re aware of the damage your ex did and you feel like your new partner doesn’t have to deal with the baggage, even though it seems like they want to. I feel this way sometimes and trust me, it sucks. But then a quick tip here is to try and work on healing from the abuse. It’d help out.
5.) You get anxious and overthink the relationship: In your last relationship, you decided to trust the process only to get hurt in the end. Now, you’d be silly if you didn’t analyze everything so that you can be prepared for the worst. You overthink your entire relationship and nitpick for the slightest flaw so that you can use that as a reason to walk away from it. But then your current partner keeps on being a good person and showing you what real love feels like which leaves you confused and at a loss.
6.) You might develop an unhealthy attachment to your partner: After a while of looking for everything negative in your relationship only to be disproved by your partner, you’re now ready to believe that you are with a good person who actually loves you. With this discovery, you feel the need to hold on tight and never let go of them (I mean why would you let go of the one person who’s shown you what real love feels like?🤷🏽) and this could lead to you developing a not so healthy attachment to them (and a bit of codependency if you let it😅). The problem with this, once they space out a bit, the overthinker comes to life and we don’t want to know how that would go (I’m talking from experience😅).
7.) After a while, you’re able to be happy with them: You’ve gone through all the stages of crazy, analyzed the entire relationship while jamming to Trust Issues by Drake or whichever song fits your state of mind, you’ve watched them try so hard to break down your high defenses and show you every single time that they mean it when they tell you they love you. Now, you’re ready to accept it as it is and just love and be happy with them. Enjoy it darling, you deserve some love💖.
So there, an interesting answer to an interesting question. I really do hope that I did justice to this particular post because it was not so easy to write it😅. Well, that’s it for me today, do feel free to comment if you can relate to this or just really enjoyed this post. And…I’m out, see ya loves💖.
Yours truly, Arreta🌺.